Spinning like a stationary bike

January has me whirling about in a crap shoot of sorts. I’ve been a non-stop action flick, and even though I’ve tried desperately to find a plot, there doesn’t seem to be one. However, it has been ALL ACTION, ALL THE TIME!!!

A few points to ponder:

1) Why the hell are all Montreal bar owners such sketchy assholes? Once again, I’m bartending/waitressing a few nights a week in a Montreal bar, and even though I had such high hopes for this one (such as the possibility of working in a harassment-free, reliable and honest atmosphere) the auspices do not bode well. I keep getting flashbacks to bell hook’s All About Love, in which she describes working in night clubs, pubs and restaurants while working on her thesis, and then her first book. She laments having had to work in places that do not operate under an ethic of love. I’m considering calling up bell hooks to ask if she’s willing to hire a research assistant who’s willing to work for nothing but an ethic of love. (and room and  board, of course)
2) Why are Montreal bar regulars such sketchy assholes too? Last night, someone tipped me a tablet of Extacy and invited me to join him at a strip club after my shift. I kindly suggested that he go alone. He’s have more fun, and less mace in his eyes.

3) Why does setting up a new apartment take so long and cost so much? I love this new place. All that’s left to finalize is the set-up in my massive new bedroom. All of my stuff- which used to look so cramped in the old apartment- now looks like hobbit furniture in an auditorium. I  can definitely afford to get a bigger desk…

4) Why do wood-burning fireplaces and orange shag carpets go so well together? I believe that this question can obviously afford to stand on its own.

For Flux’s Sake!

I’m sure that everyone has received the “change is the only constant” memo by now, so why does change still have the power to offset as it does? Every once in a while, I get this strange visceral feeling that tells me that things are no longer as they were. I realize that not only are things not as they were, but events have precluded the possibility of reversal. And it freaks the fuck out of me. But why?

Perhaps the reason is because change can be so imperceptibly slow that when you realize it has happened, the accumulated changed hits you all at once in its amassed form.  It knocks the wind out of you. It is the boiling frog syndrome in all its treacherous glory. ie: if you throw a frog into boiling water, it jumps out right away; but if you place it in cold water, and then heat it up slowly, the frog won’t realize the water is boiling until it is too late. 

Getting destroyed slowly is worse, in my eyes, than being thrown into a vat of boiling water. At least if you are subjected to the latter, you are forced to have the awareness of change. The latter affords reactive agency. So why does it strike more fear into the hearts of us frogs than the former? We expect neither situation, and both amount to the same thing. The former may be a slower destruction, and hence can be considered somewhat smoother, but both lead to the same little nook in Hades.

 And then there is that perception that change is inherently bad. My own acclamation of its destructive force fuels this perception. However, fearing and fighting against destruction is obviously short sighted. Of course we realize that in the same way that change was brought about, it will become normalized. The destruction wrought by change is inherently creative. There can be nothing new if we let go of nothing old.

The Hindu goddess Kali is a representation if this conundrum:

“I am the dance of death that is behind all life. The ultimate horror. The ultimate ecstasy. I am existence. I am the dance of destruction that will end this world. The timeless void. The formless devouring mouth. I am rebirth. Let me dance you to death. Let me dance you to life. Will you walk through your fears to dance with me? Will you let me cut off your head and drink your blood? Then will you cut off mine? Will you face all the horror, All the pain, All the sorrow, and say “yes”? I am all that you dread. All that terrifies. I am your fear. Will you meet me?”

We fear the unknown; and the unknown can only be encountered through change.  We know this. We also know that the unknown that we stumble upon might very well improve that which is known to us. Yet, still there is still an instinctual adversity to change because we fear that it might also herald that which is much worse. I mean some people even fear getting new haircuts for flux’s sake!

The problem is that no matter how we intellectualize it, no amount of mental masturbation will bring about the courage to face change without fear. There is no route to courage, it seems. Unfortunately, all that is left to us is practice.

Visual Stoicism

After struggling through the better half of Diogenes Laertius’ account of the Stoic  Logic and Theory of Knowledge, I decided I should post some of my better attempts at amateur photograohy.

Drumroll please…

From Portugal, 2006:

                        

                                                                                            

                                      

                                                                                        

                                                         

  

This summer:

                                                                                          

                       

                                                          

         

                                                          

Random favourites:

                                                                       

              

                                                      

    

And for good measure, things found in a bathroom, and on a menu:

         

                                                      

Yup, yup, it’s the beginning of something, alright.

I’ve just recently been bombarded by the blog. In a matter of minutes, it seems to have taken up a lot of space in my reality. I resisted getting a blog for a long time, and now I’m giving in. This is me giving in:

… so, I’m hoping this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship between me and my computer. I’m also looking forward to this slightly more productive and creative form of procrastination called a blog.

I’m apologizing in advance to the people who don’t even know that this blog exists yet, but are going to find themselves checking it compulsively because it is something to do on the internet; I’m sorry for the nonsensical crap that I will be posting. Keep reading though, hold out for the idea that there might be a few gems in here, and so will I. I’ll be doing lots of writing this summer, so I expect I’ll also be doing a lot of procrastination, hence lots of strange little nuggets will be appearing on here shortly.

so, yes…. hello world indeed.