Surrender to the Absurd

Ha! The Montreal Mirror has picked up the story of our encounter with the police. Just today, the reporter called me up to ask if I knew that I was also being charged with assault against a police officer. My jaw dropped to new depths. No, I can’t say I did know that. Actually, I had no clue whatsoever. I was never given a slip with any charge on it, unlike the two friends who were there that night (2 1/2 months ago) who did get arrested. I was never told I would be under arrest. But hey, the whole thing has been so absurd, why stop now?

I’m being charged with assault against a police officer.

It will take a few repititions of that phrase before it sinks in.

Ps. this is an update on the Watchdogs.

Update on the Watchdogs

This is an update on Who’s Watching the Watchdogs.

The preliminary hearing was early this morning, except for the fact that there was no preliminary hearing. The watchdogs are fucking with us.

 A month ago, I accompanied Tom to the fingerprinting office, where we waited for 3 hours before a police officer informed us that the finger-printing machine was broken. We watched people go in and out of those metal doors for the entire time before they informed us of the malfunction. They told us to return anytime we wanted to within the next couple of weeks. And of course we didn’t. No message was sent, no police officers came by with any sort of warrant or reprimand.

They know exactly where we live, of course, because the same two officers whom we had the initial altercation came to my door a couple of weeks later on a completely unrelated matter. It was as if we were stuck in an under-budget film that couldn’t afford to pay more than two actors to play the “police force”. An ex roommate of ours had called the police to the door because we told him that we would withhold his mail until he paid us his part of the internet bill (about $160). Here’s some background on this dude: when he moved out, he took off with my other roommate’s laptop, had stolen money from us while he lived with us, and left month-old dinners rotting on common plates in his abandoned room (which we had to clean up, of course.) I felt justified in telling him that he couldn’t get his mail until he paid his bills. But he decided to add insult to injury.

The two officers were sweet as pie (sheepish, even) as they stood on my front door sloop. And I really had to wonder why that was.

Well, at today’s prelim my friends’ names were mysteriously absent from the roster. They inquired at the clerk’s desk why that was.  The clerk replied that either the file had been misplaced, or that the prosecution was not ready. Tom and Sven were informed that they may or may not actually need to appear in court at all. If they do, the notice will be sent to them in writing.

They are fucking with us! That’s why my friends were not read their rights, or taken into the station, or given the chance to contact their lawyers that night. The fuckers!

They knew that they didn’t have a leg to stand on to accuse my friends of “assault against a police officer” so they sent us on a wild goose chase. The incident was never reported and the arrest was never actually filed. As far as the courts are concerned, there was never an arrest made at all!! Except for the fact that Sven and Tom were given summons for fingerprinting and to appear in court.

So now what?

My friends got beaten up, pushed around and unlawfully arrested (whether it was actually processed or not). They have spent time and energy protecting themselves against fraudulent charges only to find out that even the fraudulent charges are a lie. And now, what recourse do we have? Sit silently and thank our lucky stars that the police just wanted to harass, not to maim? They had no right to harass in the first place.

I am both relieved, and angrier than I have ever been.  My glasses are still broken, but the bruise they gave me has faded away.

 

picture via The Black Sentinel.

The Closer you Get, the Further you Are

Sometimes, I feel like I’m finally getting it, but this feeling never lasts for any significant amount of time.

For instance: when facebook first gave me the option of throwing sheep at people, I was ecstatically delighted. I went on a sheep throwing rampage. It was beautiful, and I got it. Then Facebook gave me the option of “pwn”-ing, which immediately brought on the realization that I had alreay lost whatever it was that I thought I had. I have been stumped ever since.

This elusive vowel-less word meant nothing to me. Even after looking it up, it still doesn’t make much sense- along with many other acronyms that are thrown around in cyber space. It took me ages to figure out ‘lol’, then as soon as I did people started using ‘lmao’, which threw me for another loop. Well, I’ve come to the conclusion that if it doesn’t make sense when I read it in regular English, it’s not worth knowing about. This is something I have to come to terms with about myself: I will never be on the cutting edge of internet slang. Never. Thankfully, Wikipedia put some of it into perspective:

“Like most jargon, Internet slang aggrandizes authors and readers, causing them to appear to have specialized knowledge of a complex medium. However, there are cases where using Internet slang is considered ridiculous, due to association with the stereotype of the internet n00b.”

Even the definition of internet slang includes internet slang! Ugh.

On to Other News:

I found the coolest inflatable pig ever!

Upon further inspection, I realized that this pig was not like other inflatable pigs. It had both an air valve, and some other valve of some kind:

…and then it dawned on me: Holy Shit, this pig is a sex toy.

Which, I guess explains the lipstick. I will never look upon inflatable pigs in the same way again. It also goes to show that there is a whole lot more that I don’t get in this world than internet slang.